Am I "In Love", a Romantic or Just Stupid?


I feel like I'm in heaven when you’re with me
I know that I'm in heaven when you smile
Though we're stuck here on the ground
I got something that I've found, and it's you”



-Tom Waits, Little trip to Heaven







Falling in love is a drug. It makes people feel great and do dumb stuff.

The adrenaline and dopamine give rise to feelings of ecstasy and infatuation with the other person. You dream about being with that person when you’re apart and something as small as a touch from their hand can seem like magic. Though your friends may congratulate you, there's usually a part of them which sees the whole affair as vomitous. 



What makes this state of mind so potentially destructive or uplifting, is whether the other person feels the same way towards you. If your "ideal other" is thinking about you with the same fondness then you are in heaven. If, however, the feelings are not returned, heartbreak is usually the result. Unrequited love is one of the most painful forms of suffering the human heart can bear.

“It’s incredible that someone so unforgettable
Should think that I’m unforgettable too.”
-Nat King Cole, Unforgettable

When the other person does return the feelings, we risk being stupid even stupider. Someone returning feelings to you does not mean they are a safe person or a good life mate. Words and acts of affection from our ideal other are ego strokes which can make us feel powerful through the release of natural chemicals in the body. This natural “high” tends to make us blind to character faults in the other person. If all the mature people in your life are telling you to avoid that romance, it is usually wise to listen. This chemical reaction is inevitably temporary. 
If you are married, you have to learn to love the person even when you do not feel romantic. “Being in-love” is really about you. “Love” is about the other person. Feelings of “being in love” will come and go throughout your marriage. Learning to love the other person, even when you don't feel like it, is the key to making all relationships work for the long haul.

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