Skip to main content

Am I "In Love", a Romantic or Just Stupid?

I feel like I'm in heaven when you’re with me
I know that I'm in heaven when you smile
Though we're stuck here on the ground
I got something that I've found, and it's you”

-Tom Waits, Little trip to Heaven

Falling in love is a drug. It makes people feel great and do dumb stuff.

The adrenaline and dopamine give rise to feelings of ecstasy and infatuation with the other person. You dream about being with that person when you’re apart and something as small as a touch from their hand can seem like magic. Though your friends may congratulate you, there's usually a part of them which sees the whole affair as vomitous. 

What makes this state of mind so potentially destructive or uplifting, is whether the other person feels the same way towards you. If your "ideal other" is thinking about you with the same fondness then you are in heaven. If, however, the feelings are not returned, heartbreak is usually the result. Unrequited love is one of the most painful forms of suffering the human heart can bear.

“It’s incredible that someone so unforgettable
Should think that I’m unforgettable too.”
-Nat King Cole, Unforgettable

When the other person does return the feelings, we risk being stupid even stupider. Someone returning feelings to you does not mean they are a safe person or a good life mate. Words and acts of affection from our ideal other are ego strokes which can make us feel powerful through the release of natural chemicals in the body. This natural “high” tends to make us blind to character faults in the other person. If all the mature people in your life are telling you to avoid that romance, it is usually wise to listen. This chemical reaction is inevitably temporary. 
If you are married, you have to learn to love the person even when you do not feel romantic. “Being in-love” is really about you. “Love” is about the other person. Feelings of “being in love” will come and go throughout your marriage. Learning to love the other person, even when you don't feel like it, is the key to making all relationships work for the long haul.


Popular posts from this blog

Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend

[Response to the letter Dear Non-Affirming Christian]
Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend,

Thank you for taking the time to write me. Sadly, it seems you misunderstand why I met with you for coffee. Please let me explain my motives by defining the words in my salutation above. Would this be too terrible a way to go about it?
Let’s start with ‘friend’ shall we? You rightly question this term as an accurate description of our relationship. For now, let's simply say I mean it as an expression of goodwill. But we will return to it again at the end of the letter.
Then there's this term, 'pro-gay'. By this, I don't mean your personal sexual urges. There have historically been―and are today―countless godly leaders in the church who have deep sexual and romantic attractions to people of the same gender. In spite of their desires, they remain celibate and teach orthodox views of gender and marriage. In your letter, you repeatedly refer to me as a ‘non-affirming Christian’, but I affi…

Jezebel: Our Whorable Queen

[Extract from the bookElijah Men Eat Meat]

Ahab married Jezebel, then he proceeded to worship Baal.’ -1Kg 16
Queen Jezebel is a Baal-snogging, fake-teaching, boob-flaunting, pride-marching, man-manipulating, Yahweh-blaspheming, prophets’ blood-drinking monstrosity of a female.
And that’s being nice.
This daughter of Ethbaal, the Phoenician King, grows up surrounded by power, education, luxury, and evil. Of course, she doesn’t think of it as evil. No one sees their culture’s sins for what they are. It is like air to a child or water to a fish: it’s so much a part of us that we don’t even know it is there. She thinks her culture is the rule by which others should be measured. Yes, Israel is used to being surrounded by pagan neighbours and their debauched royalty. But now we have a problem. The problem is that this ghoulish gal now has a throne in the midst of God’s holy nation. It’s one thing for a boat to be in the sea. It’s quite another thing for the sea to be in the boat. And the nati…

Driscoll Returns, ‘Christian Today’ Melts.

Sometimes in the course of events, a peculiar thing happens that then triggers a response more peculiar still. This is what we now see with the return of Pastor Mark Driscoll to the church scene.
For those unfamiliar with the drama, Mark Driscoll was a church planter and Bible teacher who made a big impact in the least churched city in the USA: Seattle. Thousands professed faith in Christ through his ministry. But he left the church that he had started under dark circumstances. No, it wasn’t adultery as is so often the case with some of these big-name preachers. Rather, it was heavy-handed leadership―resulting in many spiritually crushed church members―that drove him to resign.
Now, three years later, he is leading a new church and many are downloading his sermons once again. This is not without some valid controversy―for reasons we’ll mention soon. But what is most noticeable is not his peculiar return. It is the reaction among those who lean left of classical Christian teaching: the …