Skip to main content

How Can I Help My Christian Friend Who Might Be "Gay"?

“I didn't know my own face.
Oh brother are you gonna 
leave me wastin' away”
-Bruce Springsteen,
Streets of Philadelphia

As I said in the last post, "gay" is a very unhelpful term because it is so vague and doesn't distinguish between desire, identity and behaviour.  I will say that if you have a Christian friend who has SSA (Same-sex attraction) there are ways to help him or her.

If your friend is a Christian, then embrace your friend as a fellow Christian who struggles with sin just like you do. With young men I (as a man) am physically affirming with appropriate hugs and pats on the back. I go out of my way to affirm his masculinity and our brotherhood using physical, verbal and all fraternal signs of affection. I also speak against the cultural myth that our sexual desires are equal to our identity.  He is not any more evil for having homosexual temptations than we are for having heterosexual ones.

Usually underneath the SSA there is a legitimate same-sex need that was or is being unmet. For that reason, I try to be an accepting and faithful friend to my Christian brother dealing with SSA.  My hope is that I can help meet his hunger for affirmative male relationship in healthy godly ways instead of leaving him to meet those needs in destructive ways.

Offering them love and acceptance will not mean compromising the many Bible verses which forbid homosexual practice. Our generation is cowardly in speaking out about sexual sin in general and homosexual sin in particular. We must not condone homosexual or heterosexual sin. We must also not fail to reach out to those struggling with SSA in humility and grace.

If my friend is not a Christian, then the goal is not to make him or her “straight”. Hell will be filled with “straight” people! The goal is to get that person to meet Jesus. Heterosexuality does not give eternal life. Jesus does.


Popular posts from this blog

Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend

[Response to the letter Dear Non-Affirming Christian]
Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend,
Thank you for taking the time to write me. Sadly, it seems you misunderstand why I met with you for coffee. Please let me explain my motives by defining the words in my salutation above. Would this be too terrible a way to go about it?
Let’s start with ‘friend’ shall we? You rightly question this term as an accurate description of our relationship. For now, let's simply say I mean it as an expression of good will - but will return to it again at the end of the letter. Then there's this term, 'pro-gay'. By this, I don't mean your personal sexual urges. There have historically been – and are today – countless godly leaders in the church who have deep sexual and romantic attractions to people of the same gender. In spite of their desires, they remain celibate and teach orthodox views of gender and sexuality. In your letter, you repeatedly refer to me as a ‘non-affirming Christian’, but I …

Where I Turn Down a Gay 'Wedding' Invitation

Dear Katie,
I hope this letter finds you well. You’ve been on my mind lately as it’s been a few weeks since we’ve met up. We’re overdue to grab a coffee – I hope we can soon. I also want to thank you for thinking of me as you sent out invitations for what I know will be a big day for you and Joanna. I’ve known you since before you met her (two years ago now, is it?) and I appreciate all you’ve shared with me about how meaningful that relationship is to you. It was especially kind of you given my Christian faith. You've never directly asked me my views on gender or sex in much detail. But I think our conversations must have touched on it enough times to at least make you a bit unsure of my reaction when you sent the invitation. I have to say 'no' to your kind invitation. You know that I care for you and that I value our friendship. You know I don't reject you because you are gay. So, would it be too much to ask of you if I explain why my faith would make attendance at your…

Driscoll Returns, ‘Christian Today’ Melts.

Sometimes in the course of events, a peculiar thing happens that then triggers a response more peculiar still. This is what we now see with the return of Pastor Mark Driscoll to the church scene.
For those unfamiliar with the drama, Mark Driscoll was a church planter and Bible teacher who made a big impact in the least churched city in the USA: Seattle. Thousands professed faith in Christ through his ministry. But he left the church that he had started under dark circumstances. No, it wasn’t adultery as is so often the case with some of these big-name preachers. Rather, it was heavy-handed leadership―resulting in many spiritually crushed church members―that drove him to resign.
Now, three years later, he is leading a new church and many are downloading his sermons once again. This is not without some valid controversy―for reasons we’ll mention soon. But what is most noticeable is not his peculiar return. It is the reaction among those who lean left of classical Christian teaching: the …