Skip to main content

Mixed Friendship in a World of Hormones

“Yes, your thoughts betray you. 
Your feelings for your friends are strong. Especially for… sister.”

-Darth Vader

'In the spring of 2011, two young adults in South Africa were expecting their first child. They had been dating and living together for a few years and - after the woman discovered she was pregnant - they began to plan their wedding. They had met at University and - as their parents lived far away - they had simply never got around to meeting each other’s families.

'Weeks before the wedding, family members from both side began to arrive in town to celebrate with them. But the parties stopped when the parents met. When the groom’s father met the bride’s mother, they realised that they knew each other… and that the soon to be married couple were actually full-blooded brother and sister. The siblings had been separated when the boy was two years old and the girl two months in an acrimonious divorce. 

'As the news of this Freudian nightmare was unpacked, how do you think it affected the couple’s relationship? Did they ignore the discovery and go on with the wedding? Did they continue to live together as lovers? No. As you may expect they were devastated. They cancelled the ceremony and changed the nature of their relationship. They began to learn how to relate to each other as sister and brother. Have they ever again felt a sexual attraction to each other? It is probable in light of their former history. But there is now a different type of bond between that keeps any such feelings at bay.

Mixed Friendship
'Similarly, mixed friendships help deter against sexual immorality by filling the void between the genders with something so healthy and robust that sexual attraction is held at bay when it arises. If there is no existing connection between a man and woman, then sexual attraction becomes the most powerful dynamic whenever it arises.

'Practically, what do I mean? Let me give you an honest example from a man’s perspective. I am fortunate enough to have a few female companions. All of them possess varying degrees of external beauty. When a particularly lovely friend comes into my house and takes a seat on the sofa next mine, I may notice her sit down, fold up her legs and turn her head to stare out the window. But even if she is wearing a summer dress, those are not a stranger’s legs and that is not a stranger’s neck. If that was just some Ms. Unkown, then any sexual attraction at the sight of her poetically curved neck could become the primary force between us. It would be the lens through which I view her. If that perception continues, a sinful lust will begin to grow.

'But those aren’t the legs and neck of a Ms. Unknown. This is my friend. This is the woman I have been sharing my concerns and thoughts with for some years now. We have prayed together often. The void between us has been filled. Spiritually she is my sister. The gospel has alchemised potential adultery into real siblinghood. The curve of her neck – attractive as it is - is of less interest to me than her bigger-than-Christmas heart. Sexual attraction that might stir as she moves across the room and sits near me, is ricocheted off our relationship like a sling-shot fired stone is ricocheted off an armoured tank.

'Those who teach that men and women shouldn’t befriend each other think it’s perfectly sensible to strip off the armour from the tank.'

-From 'Forbidden Friendships' chapter 5
If you've liked this message, please share or leave a comment on the FB link. 

Also, if you would like a FREE chapter from my book, Forbidden Friendships, just email me at

Or, you can get the whole book off Amazon: Here in the USA  or Here in the UK


Popular posts from this blog

Where I Turn Down a Gay 'Wedding' Invitation

Dear Katie,
I hope this letter finds you well. You’ve been in my mind lately as it’s been a few weeks since we’ve met up. We’re overdue to grab a coffee – I hope we can soon.
I also want to thank you for thinking of me as you sent out invitations for what I know will be a big day for you and Joanna. I’ve known you since before you met her (two years ago now is it?) and I appreciate all you’ve shared with me about how meaningful that relationship is to you. 

I received the invitation for your ceremony. Thank you. It was kind of you and Joanna to think of me, especially since you know that I have a Christian faith. You've never directly asked me my views on gender or sexuality. But I think our conversations must have touched on it enough times to at least make you a bit unsure of my reaction when you sent the invitation.

I have to say 'no' to your kind invitation. You know that I care for you and that I value our friendship. You know I don't reject you because you are gay. T…

Is Jesus Really Silent about Homosexuality?

For non-Christians, this seems an odd debate. After all, mainstream society sees gender, marriage and sexuality as a form of individual self-actualisation and believes that one should be free to express these things however they wish – so long as they don’t hurt others. To people who aren’t Christian the whole discussion seems soooooo last millennia. But we Christians are foreigners to this world. 

Many of us don't have personalities that naturally enjoy debate. But as there are those who – in the name of Christ – are saying we need to adjust our teaching to the new LGBTQ ideology, then debate is upon us whether we like it or not.
In any debate involving people’s lives, points of view need to be expressed both sensitively and accurately - especially this one. Misinformation – however well intended – helps no one in the long run. That’s why it’s important to access popular sound bites that are often used in social media discussions to determine their truthfulness. One such is the lin…

Holy Halloween?

The big ugly debate is upon us.
No, not the Presidential one. This debate involves dwarves and banshees of quite another variety.
As heated as the political scene may now be, it will pale to fervor with which Christians will begin debating if and how they will celebrate what is now commonly called "Halloween". This battle of ideas will be waged from the beaches of church pews to the hills of Facebook. There will be shots fired and people unfriended.
But what cyber surfing culture warrior would be complete without some historical trivia and theological sanity? Here you go...

The Background Story
The devil would love to steal All Hallow’s Eve (Halloween) away from Christians. He is making good progress at it too.
All Hallow’s Eve is neither American nor pagan in heritage. The name should be obvious enough. Hallow means ‘holy’ (‘Hallowed be thy name’) and it marks a three-day celebration of the victory of Jesus over the powers of darkness as experienced by departed saints and Christi…