Skip to main content

RE Class Descends into Cannibalism

ROYFIELD, England – A Religious Education class at Patrick High-School, north of London, has begun frog worship and spear warfare. There has also been rumours of cannibalism at the school, something loal police are looking into. The unusual behaviour appears to have grown from the curriculum of one RE teacher who began teaching British Values – minus the Christian influence.

‘We should not force Christian ideas down the throats of those who come from homes of different faiths or no faith at all.’ Noted the RE teacher Brigitte Doodlesmith. ‘In order to teach an uncompromised British Values class, I had to look back to what British values were like before Christianity came to these Islands. As an ideology, Christianity really is a foreign way of thinking.’

When asked about encouraging the students to spear fight in the nude she quickly responded, ‘That’s a gross exaggeration. We are historically British about this - they wear body paint.’

When I pointed out the lack of text books Doodlesmith noted, ‘One of the things that Christianity imposed on us was literacy. Anglo-Saxon culture traditionally had little place for books. In our efforts to be truly British, this year we’ll be taking exams with finger paint.’

When asked if she was anti-Christian she spoke moderately, ‘Oh no. Christianity is fine for other cultures – it’s just not historically British. Christianity grew up in the Middle East – Jesus was certainly never meant to be a white man’s god. He’s culturally foreign to Western society as a whole.’

During the interview, Doodlesmith received word that a boy had been injured during a session of Anglo-Saxon tribal combat. ‘Aren’t you going to take him to the hospital?’ I asked.

‘No. It was Christians who really spread the use of hospitals here. Fortunately we have some 6th formers who a focusing on ancient Wiccan healing spells.’ Doodlesmith then added ‘He’ll need to recover and take vengeance. Anglo-Saxon culture was traditionally an honour bound society. This whole ‘Forgive your enemy’ stuff has no place in a Britain that has cleansed itself from this warped, Eastern ideology.’

Asked about the police and the cannibal rumours she replied, ‘We don’t go out of our way to encourage that sort of behaviour. But it is true that the Druids used to eat people’s brains in an attempt to grow in knowledge. We are telling our brighter students to take care – just as a precaution. We trust the officers will find nothing objectionable.'

The police were unavailable for comment. 
_____________________________________

bkFor a look at healthy friendships between Men and Women check out Forbidden Friendships available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle in the USA and the UK

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend

[Response to the letter Dear Non-Affirming Christian]
Dear Pro-Gay Christian Friend,
Thank you for taking the time to write me. Sadly, it seems you misunderstand why I met with you for coffee. Please let me explain my motives by defining the words in my salutation above. Would this be too terrible a way to go about it?
Let’s start with ‘friend’ shall we? You rightly question this term as an accurate description of our relationship. For now, let's simply say I mean it as an expression of good will - but will return to it again at the end of the letter. Then there's this term, 'pro-gay'. By this, I don't mean your personal sexual urges. There have historically been – and are today – countless godly leaders in the church who have deep sexual and romantic attractions to people of the same gender. In spite of their desires, they remain celibate and teach orthodox views of gender and sexuality. In your letter, you repeatedly refer to me as a ‘non-affirming Christian’, but I …

Jezebel: Our Whorable Queen

[Extract from the bookElijah Men Eat Meat]

Ahab married Jezebel, then he proceeded to worship Baal.’ -1Kg 16
Queen Jezebel is a Baal-snogging, fake-teaching, boob-flaunting, pride-marching, man-manipulating, Yahweh-blaspheming, prophets’ blood-drinking monstrosity of a female.
And that’s being nice.
This daughter of Ethbaal, the Phoenician King, grows up surrounded by power, education, luxury, and evil. Of course, she doesn’t think of it as evil. No one sees their culture’s sins for what they are. It is like air to a child or water to a fish: it’s so much a part of us that we don’t even know it is there. She thinks her culture is the rule by which others should be measured. Yes, Israel is used to being surrounded by pagan neighbours and their debauched royalty. But now we have a problem. The problem is that this ghoulish gal now has a throne in the midst of God’s holy nation. It’s one thing for a boat to be in the sea. It’s quite another thing for the sea to be in the boat. And the nati…

Driscoll Returns, ‘Christian Today’ Melts.

Sometimes in the course of events, a peculiar thing happens that then triggers a response more peculiar still. This is what we now see with the return of Pastor Mark Driscoll to the church scene.
For those unfamiliar with the drama, Mark Driscoll was a church planter and Bible teacher who made a big impact in the least churched city in the USA: Seattle. Thousands professed faith in Christ through his ministry. But he left the church that he had started under dark circumstances. No, it wasn’t adultery as is so often the case with some of these big-name preachers. Rather, it was heavy-handed leadership―resulting in many spiritually crushed church members―that drove him to resign.
Now, three years later, he is leading a new church and many are downloading his sermons once again. This is not without some valid controversy―for reasons we’ll mention soon. But what is most noticeable is not his peculiar return. It is the reaction among those who lean left of classical Christian teaching: the …