On Dating a New Christian
Theologically, how close can our noses get? |
Hey __________________ Thanks for messaging me. As
always, happy to respond to any questions you have.
You asked about dating a new Christian. Well done.
Before getting to the ‘new’ part of your inquiry, allow me a word on the issue
of dating in British young adult Christian circles full stop – it will be
relevant, I assure.
There is a tendency in British dating circles – and
sometimes in USA – for Christians to get exclusive and serious far too quickly.
The consequences of this is that for a young man to ask a young woman out is a
deed that involves elephantine amounts of stress. First coffee, then marriage!
Anything less, and it is assume a man will be seen as being not serious – a player
of the field and doer of shameful deeds.

This leads into your question about new Christians.
In one sense, you’re perfectly free to date and even marry a brand new
Christian. My dad was a bit cheeky as he started dating my mother when they
were teenagers. When he realised she wasn’t a Christian, he drove her to meet
his pastor so that she would be converted. She was so and they got married as
teenagers.
I’m the result. I’ll let you be the judge as to
whether that’s good fruit or not.
That story aside, my concern is less for the mature
Christian and more for the new – regardless of the gender. When one becomes a
Christian, they are beginning a brand new relationship – one with God. If they
also get romantically involved with a more experienced Christian at the same
time, they mix muddling the two a bit – at least emotionally. The new Christian
may look frequently to the more mature one – not only for romantic affection –
but also for spiritual direction. Should that dating relationship end badly (and
don’t most romantic engagements that end, end ‘badly’?) the person has not only
lost a romantic partner, but also the one through whom so much spiritual guidance
came?
Generally I would encourage new Christians to focus
on following Christ and not rush too quickly to seek out a Christian
boy/girlfriend. Leave the relationship open and light for a while. That’s not a
law. If you’re already in a more serious and exclusive relationship, I wouldn’t
encourage you to end it – just be aware of the possible risks. Don’t try to be
their spiritual mentor. Have them find someone else to pastor them closely.
I would also remind the more mature Christian that
the newer believer may still have a lot to learn (and unlearn) about sexuality.
Sex is for one man and one woman in one marriage for one lifetime. If
the new believer hasn’t gotten that lesson yet, make sure they get it.
Finally, both should consider the Christian option
of celibacy. British Christian young adult culture seems to assume that marriage
is for everyone. It doesn’t have to be. Jesus was single. Paul was single – and
thankful for it.
But perhaps that’s for another blog.
Does any of this help?
Your friend,
Joshua
For more, check out our book Forbidden Friendships available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle in the USA and the UK
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